I was seven months pregnant when I noticed a change in my husband. He came home late, he ate very little or not at all. He would rush to the bathroom and spend more minutes than he usually did there and when it was time to sleep, he always turned to the wall with his hands between his thighs.
We had struggled to conceive, five years of marriage before the pregnancy arrived so I understood him when he said he didn’t want us to do anything to jeopardize the health of the baby growing inside me. I asked if that included sex and he said yes. I didn’t agree. “Sex is not harmful no matter what. You can ask everyone.” I said. He responded, “I know but you know how funny our luck can be and how easy things can be difficult for us. Let’s not risk it.”
Not long after this conversation, I started seeing the changes. Men think they can easily hide but what they do and the way they live their life is like an open book. Unless you don’t want to read. One night I went to bed early. He didn’t understand why but I told him I was tired. Minutes later, he came to the room to see if I was sleeping. I put on my best act so he figured I was gone. He turned off the light and went back to the hall.
A few minutes later, I woke up and tiptoed to the hall. He wasn’t there but I heard a voice coming from the bathroom. I leaned my ears to the door and heard him speaking on the phone. He was whispering but I could hear some of the things he was saying. He was talking to a girl. The next day I checked his phone. The lady’s name was Serwa.
He denied everything I heard and pinned it on pregnancy hormones. I was not stupid. I heard what I heard but he wouldn’t accept it so I took the issue a notch up just to get evidence. I was almost nine months pregnant when I caught him again. When I was going to bed, I put my phone on record and left it in the hall. It recorded the conversations he was having under his breath. It was the same Serwa. They were planning where to go next and when to go. I didn’t hear Serwa talking but I could piece the whole conversation together from the things my husband was saying.
I didn’t confront him. I kept the recording to myself. A few days later, I gave birth. When I delivered, his mom came to help out so she came to live with us. My husband would go out and come whenever he wanted. His mom accepted his excuses and asked me to be patient. He started going on dubious trips he said were sanctioned by his company. My husband’s position didn’t require him to travel but all of a sudden, he was traveling every month. When I complained, he reported me to his mom. It was always me against them.
When he travelled one day on such a trip, I went to his office to enquire about him. I wanted to have a confirmation from them. They told me my husband had been on leave for about a week and, hence hadn’t been at work. I shook my head and left the place. When he came and was trying to play his usual tricks of telling me how the meetings were stressful and all, I gave him the news. Instead of addressing the issues, he attacked me for embarrassing him at his workplace. His mother supported him. I had to prove to his mother that her son wasn’t as clean as she made him to be so I played the recording to her.
That was what broke the camel’s back. Whatever was said in the tape didn’t matter but why I had to record my husband was the issue. His mom was all over me teaching me why I should understand why a man should cheat. “My husband did it but I’m the one who won. Your dad probably did it but ask your mom if she left. My son is not the only man who’ll look at another lady. All men are like that.”
I called my parents that I was coming home. I told them my heart couldn’t take it anymore so I needed a change of environment. Once I was in my parents’ house, I told him I couldn’t do it again. “If I were a man and I loved another woman more than my wife, I would leave my wife and marry the other woman. You have your mom’s support. Do it and leave me alone.”
He came around often to apologize. His dad called my dad and they talked. When they were coming to my house to apologise his mother didn’t come along. That’s when I knew I would have issues with his mom going forward. We accepted the apology and made arrangements for me to go home. A day before I went back, I called a neighbour to tell her I was coming home. She knew my story and was the one I ran to when I felt crowded. She asked me, “Are you sure your husband wants you back?”
She didn’t want to tell me but when I pushed her she told me a certain lady comes to the house every evening and leaves in the morning and that just two days ago she saw the lady. I went back home when I had a hint the lady was there. They were in the hall. The lady’s head was on my husband’s lap while they were watching TV.
Our marriage came to an end that day. I needed no soothsayer to tell me I was fighting a losing battle. She had a home in my home and because two captains cannot man a ship, I left the relationship for her. Even at that point, my husband continued to pursue me for forgiveness. My dad told him to make up his mind and he repeated it’s me he wanted and would make everything right.
Two years after our marriage was dissolved, my ex-husband married again. Guess who he married, Serwa. This was a man who couldn’t send money for his child’s upkeep because he complained he didn’t have money. He didn’t pay fees or medical bills. The existence of our child didn’t matter to him and I understood him because he said he didn’t have money. This same man had money for a wedding. I’m deeply hurt. Did he love me at all? Let’s say he didn’t, how about the child we both have, a child that bears his name?
Out of hurt and hatred, I’m going to frustrate him until every penny he owes us from the time of our divorce is paid. If he defaults for even a second, I’ll go and live in his house with him. I’ll use the law to make him smell pepper, not only smell but also bathe in it. Two years was long enough to heal, I even thought I’d healed but his marriage and the neglect of our child have shown me that healing could be a mask we hide behind just to run from what’s hurting us.
It starts today. Unless he disappears from the face of the earth.
