During one of my horrible relationship and seeing neighbours, friends and families going through similar experience of being bullied/abused in there relationship. I put up this article to reach out and advice people who are finding it difficult to come out of such relationship, which i call emotional terrorism,and getting out of it.
In my opinion, Let me explain what I mean by emotional terrorism first.
When you are in a relationship, whether at home or at work, with someone who is constantly insulting you, harassing you, pressuring you, taking pleasure in your pain, saying unpleasant things about you, or making you feel worthless, you are in an emotionally terrorised situation.
Staying in a relationship with somebody who feels the need to put you down and beat you up (physically or psychologically) feeds his destructive attitude. It’s difficult to understand, why so many people stay with such a partner, but they do. This is due to a belief that they do not deserve better, that they are unworthy of true love. They lack self-esteem and do not seriously consider leaving the relationship. They are trapped because the energy of the dysfunctional relationship corresponds to their own low self-esteem.
People who lack self-esteem attract abusive people who confirm that they do not deserve to be respected. What is going on inside you is mirrored in the outside world. If you have a partner who beats you up, it’s because you’re already beating yourself up on the inside. Is your partner constantly bothering you? Does your partner constantly bombard you with negative comments, no matter what you do? Then consider how you are harassing yourself and how many negative remarks you are making about yourself. Being surrounded by negative people is caused by a very degrading relationship with yourself.
Is your partner unfaithful to you? This is the first thing you consider whether you truly love yourself. Because if you love yourself, your partner will too. It is impossible for an unloving partner to remain in your life if you love yourself. If you keep a positive inner dialogue with yourself, you are simply not aligned with someone who trashes you with negativity. When you find yourself in a long-term relationship with such a person, it is evidence of how bad your relationship with yourself is.
Step 1: You must first honestly assess the quality of your management processes. If the relationship’s quality is very low, break up and leave. It is reasonable to take some time to fully consider your options, but remember that leaving someone does not have to take forever.
However, your personal safety is always the top priority. If you are in danger, leave right away. When you get back on your feet, you can still take the time to analyze the situation and figure out how you got involved in such a relationship.
If you notice that your relationship is terrible but there is no immediate threat to your life or well-being, then do the following to break free from the emotional terrorist’s grip. To begin, understand that a vampire is someone who needs to hurt other people in order to feel good about himself. He sucks your energy to keep himself alive. These people are sick, both mentally and physically.
They most likely had a difficult childhood and never learned to love, but this is no excuse for their behavior and certainly not a reason for you to stay with them. Don’t try to be a therapist in your relationship! Any adult who is committed to positive change can do it, but it is not your responsibility to influence your partner’s behavior. You will waste time, energy, and have low self-esteem. Your efforts will be futile. Why would this vampire strive to improve himself when he can easily feed off the energy of his victim? Ask yourself, “Do I want to be a victim of a vampire?”
Everyone who has been in a vampire-victim relationship understands how difficult it is to break free from the grip of such a person. Their tactics are so subtle and covert that it is difficult for the mentally sane person to comprehend the emotional terrorist’s strategies. Everything they do is designed to make you doubt them.
Consider the vampire-victim pairing: the vampire pretends to know everything, while the victim doubts. This combination is lethal, because whenever you see clearly and realize you’re being targeted by emotional terrorism, the vampire will immediately start acting friendly in order to make you second-guess your conclusion. When you see him really decide to leave, his strategy is to recreate a honeymoon feeling in order to make you doubt your decision. You’ll ask yourself, “How could I have thought so negatively about him?” Look at how friendly he is! Nobody else has ever said anything nice to me. Beware! Remember, the vampire will lull you to sleep before attacking!
You become less sober, less alert, and when you are duped into thinking he is a friendly person again, things return to normal and he attacks again. His attacks become increasingly powerful,
while your defense becomes increasingly frail. He wishes to completely deplete you until there is nothing left of you. What he wants (perhaps unconsciously, but that doesn’t matter) is to depersonalize you, to cut your ego into small pieces, until you no longer exist as your own person; that’s when he has complete control over you.
Step 2 :After you’ve assessed the quality of your connection, the next step is to attentively listen to yourself! Instead of paying attention to that parasite, pay attention to your feelings! You are not in a loving relationship if you are experiencing fear in your relationship! Love and fear are incompatible. Love cannot exist when there is fear. Take your emotions seriously! Fear does not appear out of nowhere; it is a warning sign that something is amiss.
Step 3 Here’s a fast way to get out of someone’s clutches. Make a note of all the things the other person says just to make you feel terrible. Assign a number to each sentence and memorize this list. Now, whenever he makes a nasty remark, instead of reacting, go to your list and mark the matching sentence. Review your list every night and record statistics: create an overview to see how many times he used the first phrase, the second phrase, and so on. This will assist you in ceasing to react to negativity and ceasing to fuel it. So don’t respond; instead, go over your list. It will only take a few days to memorize the list!
Step 4 – Recognize that an emotional terrorist will not just let his victim slide through his fingers without a struggle! He’ll do everything he can to keep you down. You should not stay with someone like that. Leave him if he is your partner. If it’s your boss, look for another work. If it’s your mother or father, step back for a while and visit them in small doses. If necessary, consult with a lawyer or a counsellor”. In any event, a person behaving in such a manner cannot be healed in a couple of weeks. In my opinion, he may never be healed in his lifetime.
Staying in a frightened relationship is a one-way ticket to hell! So, instead of waiting for the impossible, start living your own life. You are deserving of a life filled with love, pleasure, and freedom! NO ONE DESERVES to be subjected to such harmful conduct!
Step 5 Now that you’ve moved on from that relationship, you may examine your connection with yourself. Do you have feelings for yourself? Learn to appreciate yourself! Make a promise to yourself that you will never engage in such relationships again. Be kind with yourself. If you wish to help these individuals, pray for them and imagine how they will be cured on the inside, but don’t remain with them. It is not your duty to heal them. Destruction is not an option, and it will not assist them either! Never forget that you were born to be adored! Take proper care of yourself!
I know some cultures advice victims to pray for divine intervention ,honestly it doesn’t work like that, everyone deserves to be loved .Thank you
Kindly share any other way to put an end to this type of unpleasant relationship