Psychological reasons for failed marriages
Despite deep love and commitment, marriages can still fail, which can be greatly painful. Marriage is a beautiful union, where two people come together with a promise of a life filled with love, joy, and shared dreams. However, love alone isn’t always enough to ensure success. According to psychology, several significant factors influence the stability of marriage. If you’re curious about why even the most devoted relationships sometimes struggle, read on to understand key reasons why some marriages don’t work despite the best intentions.
​Attachment styles
Attachment styles– which include secure, anxious, avoidant, and anxious-avoidant– vary among individuals and play a crucial role in relationships. These styles affect how partners communicate and meet each other’s needs. When partners have different attachment styles, it can be challenging to understand each other and resolve conflicts, often leading to significant issues with intimacy, support, and overall relationship satisfaction.
​Unresolved past conflicts
Another major reason why marriages may fail is unresolved conflicts. In a sensitive relationship like marriage, even minor issues can become damaging if not addressed properly. Over time, unresolved conflicts can accumulate, impacting behaviour and communication, which may lead to frequent arguments and emotional distance. It is essential to make genuine efforts to resolve conflicts permanently and healthily to maintain a strong and supportive relationship.
Self-sabotage
Some individuals, influenced by childhood traumas or unresolved issues, may engage in self-sabotaging behaviors as a way to cope with their fears and insecurities. These behaviours can stem from a fear of intimacy- whether emotional, physical, or both- or from feelings of unworthiness and a belief that they don’t deserve genuine happiness and love. Such self-sabotage can damage the relationship and weaken the bond between partners.
​Emotional regulation issues
How one emotionally regulates themselves under tough situations can have a huge impact on their marriage. Issues arise when an individual has difficulty managing, understanding, and healthily handling their emotions. This can result in frequent emotional breakdowns, exaggerated reactions like anger, or periods of avoidance and silence. Such behaviours create tension and stress, making it challenging for partners to communicate effectively and maintain a stable, supportive relationship.
​Life transitions
Major life changes, such as becoming parents, changing careers, or experiencing health issues, can significantly impact a relationship and alter the bond and connection partners once shared. If couples are not resilient or well-prepared to face these changes together, it can strain the marriage and affect their relationship.
​Neglecting relationship maintenance
Neglecting relationship maintenance means not putting in the time and effort needed to keep a relationship strong and healthy. When couples stop spending quality time together, communicating regularly, or showing appreciation, they may start to drift apart. This lack of attention can lead to feelings of distance, misunderstandings, and dissatisfaction, as both partners feel less connected and valued. Regularly engaging in activities that build and sustain the relationship helps keep the bond strong and fulfilling.
Unable to resolves issues
As per psychology, there are mainly five stages of a romantic relationship– The Awkward Stage is when people meet for the first time; while some fall in love instantly, the first meetings are mostly awkward for others. The next is The Attraction Stage or The Honeymoon Stage, where people have just begun dating and everything is good. The third stage is The Uncertainty Stage, where people contemplate long-term commitment and start doubting their love for their partner or thinking if they are compatible. The next stage is the Intimacy Stage where a couple has decided to get serious. And the last stage is The Partnership Stage wherein a couple accepts each other wholeheartedly.
It is noticed that most couples who get married early on in their relationship, find it difficult to navigate the third stage of their relationship. They have conflicts and opposing views and start questioning if they married the right person. They are unable to resolve them and move on together in life. This could sometimes even lead to divorce.
Lack of open communication
Open and honest communication is the basis of all strong marriages, and when spouses stop talking and reconnecting with each other their relationship is bound to fail. Be it a fight, misunderstanding or opposing views, the answer to resolve all of these is: Communication!
Losing your individuality
Many couples are very focused on each other. While this may seem cute in the initial phases of a relationship, over time one of the partners would end up feeling stifled and being controlled in the marriage. This could lead to conflicts and in extreme cases, even divorce.
And so, instead of being focused on one another or being too possessive of one’s partner, couples should have a common bigger goal in life to focus on– be it their health, raising kids together, giving back to the society, etc. This would give them a common goal to work on together, and grow together in life.
Mis-matched personality type
Sometimes, while a person might appear all sweet and in-love with someone in the initial stages of a relationship, it’s only after a period of time when they start showing their true nature which is quite opposite to their initial impression. People married to someone with a narcissistic personality type might feel trapped, powerless and controlled by their spouse in the toxic marriage. Such toxic marriages are generally doomed, and end in divorces. It’s only when the victim realises the negative impact the relationship is having on them that they make a conscious decision to leave their toxic marriage and gain their independence.
​Financial problems
Financial problems can severely strain a marriage by creating disagreements and arguments. When partners have different views on spending, saving, or managing money, it can lead to frequent conflicts and frustration. Struggling with debt or financial pressures often causes anxiety and can make it harder for couples to support each other. Additionally, if partners have different financial goals or if one contributes more financially than the other, it can create feelings of imbalance and resentment.
Growing apart
Couples growing apart is a gradual process that often stems from a lack of communication, differing life goals, or unmet emotional needs. As daily routines and responsibilities take over, couples may find themselves spending less quality time together, leading to emotional distance. Interests and priorities can shift, causing partners to feel disconnected or misunderstood. Without intentional efforts to reconnect, this growing apart can lead to feelings of loneliness within the relationship. To prevent or address this, couples need to regularly communicate, nurture their bond, and prioritize shared experiences to maintain intimacy and understanding.
Cheating
Sometimes, people end up cheating on their partner for various reasons– feeling stuck in a marriage with the wrong person, for some excitement and change in their marriage, etc. And some people have a habit of monkey branching in romantic relationships– wherein they like jumping from one relationship to the other, just like a monkey jumping from one branch of a tree to another, because of the thrill they get out of it. This might be to boost their confidence, feel special and loved, or for the sheer excitement of a new relationship. This can also often lead to the breakdown of a marriage.
​Different values and beliefs
When two people have very different beliefs or values, like about family or religion, it can create serious problems in their marriage. They might argue frequently and feel disconnected, which can make it hard to stay happy together. Over time, these differences can lead to constant stress and a growing sense that they’re no longer on the same path or truly understand each other.
​Lack of shared goals
When couples have different goals for their future, it can cause major problems in their marriage. For instance, if one person wants to move for a job while the other wants to stay where they are, or if they disagree on whether to have kids or how to manage money, these disagreements can lead to frequent arguments and unhappiness. Such differences can make it hard for both partners to feel close and committed, putting a strain on their relationship.
