Black tax is a common part of Nigerian life, but what happens when a child chooses to step away from this tradition? In this story, Jola* (27) reflects on how her relentless desire to win her barely present father’s approval led her to fall into the black tax cycle. However, a series of revelations in 2024 led to her withdrawing her financial support, culminating in her father disowning her.
As told to Boluwatife
I grew up without living with my father. My mum was his second wife, and he provided a separate apartment for her and her children, while he lived with his first wife. As a result, I only saw him once or twice a month during his visits, and I idolized him.
Back then, convincing me that my dad wasn’t a superhero was impossible. He always came bearing sweets and ₦500 notes. Whenever I excelled in school, like when I was first in class, he would show up with a pineapple — my favorite fruit — as a reward.
I believed my dad was the greatest man on earth until I entered secondary school and began to see his flaws. My mum eventually became tired of me talking about my dad all the time and started showing me that he wasn’t as involved as I had assumed.
Despite his thriving electronics business, my dad only provided financial support for our needs when things were good between him and my mum. She often complained, revealing that she had to bear the financial responsibility for our needs and sometimes even rent, mostly relying on her income from selling fabrics in the market.
Realizing my dad’s shortcomings stirred in me an overwhelming need to win his approval. I thought that by being the ideal daughter, he would eventually step up to fulfill his duties as a father. I now understand how flawed that reasoning was, but for a long time, I believed that if I could prove myself worthy, he would change and become the perfect father I dreamed of.
I focused on my grades in secondary school and university because I desperately wanted to make him proud. I recall taking my convocation gown and the ₦150k reward I received for graduating with a first class to his house to take a picture with him — but he didn’t even attend my convocation. Yes, I handed him the money.
Money became one of the primary ways I tried to gain his approval, and looking back, I can only describe it as foolishness. I don’t understand why I obsessed over ensuring that a man who never truly invested in me benefited from my efforts.
When I started my National Youth Service Corps (NYSC) at a law firm in 2022, I earned ₦150k/month in addition to my NYSC stipend. I never told my mum how much I made, but I gave my entire first month’s salary to my dad, hoping he would pray for me. After that, I sent him ₦40k each month and only gave my mum ₦20k.
After my service year, I landed a job close to my dad’s home and decided to move in with him to save on commuting costs. By then, my dad was married to his third wife, with three more children under the age of 11. I thought it would be a great opportunity to finally bond with my dad and get closer to my half-siblings.
However, things quickly went downhill.
That same year, my dad was scammed out of about ₦10m, and his business collapsed. He shared his financial difficulties with me, and I foolishly promised to support the household while he tried to recover. That’s when I became the breadwinner of the house. I was earning ₦300k/month, so I allocated ₦80k to my dad’s allowance and began contributing to the household expenses. I was hardly home due to work, but my younger siblings came to me for fuel money.
At least once every two weeks, my dad’s wife would ask me for ₦20k or ₦30k loans for groceries. I always complied, but I never got repaid.
In 2023, my salary was increased to ₦400k, and I informed my dad. Unfortunately, it seemed that my raise gave him the perfect excuse to stop taking any responsibility. I continued to give him ₦80k a month, but it was never enough. Every couple of weeks, he would ask for money for one thing or another, and I would give it to him.
I wasn’t even sending money to my mum, as my two older siblings, who were more financially stable, were providing for her. She didn’t lack anything, and I was happy about that, but I can’t believe how much I sacrificed for my dad.
Towards the end of 2023, he took a ₦2m loan from a microfinance bank to start a fish farming business. Unfortunately, the fish became sick, and we had to sell them at a loss. I ended up paying off most of the loan with my salary over the next eight months.
In January 2024, I paid ₦200k in school fees for my three half-siblings because they had been unable to attend school due to their father’s inability to pay. My dad claimed he had no money, and since he forbids his wife from working, the responsibility fell on me. I also contributed to the household expenses and paid for their medical bills when they got sick.
My eyes opened in June 2024 after a series of shocking events.
My dad’s wife informed me that he had impregnated another woman. At first, I couldn’t believe it, so I confronted him, and he responded that his religion allowed him to marry up to four wives. I was stunned. Here I was, doing everything I could to be the breadwinner, and my dad was adding more to my already heavy load without telling me.
This was the turning point. I began reducing my financial support to him, gradually claiming that I no longer had the money whenever he asked for it. Of course, he knew I was lying, and this led to frequent arguments between us. Eventually, I moved out of his house and returned to my mum’s in August.
In December 2024, on my birthday, my dad sent me a text saying, “Since you have chosen to disrespect God by ignoring your father, just take it that you don’t have a father anymore.”
That hurt, but I stayed strong and didn’t reach out to him to settle the issue. I knew that reconciling would only drag me back into the black tax cycle, and that wasn’t sustainable for me.
Between 2022 and 2024, I felt like I was working for nothing. I had even resorted to loan apps because my salary was never enough to last the month. I had no savings and was living paycheck to paycheck. It wasn’t until I left that situation that I realized how badly I had been living.
Since August 2024, I haven’t taken out a single loan. Between October 2024 and February 2025, I managed to save ₦800k. I set aside money for myself to buy nice things and enjoy time with friends. There’s no way I could have done that if I had continued carrying my dad’s burdens.
While my peers were saving for cars and apartments, I was bending over backward to please a man who wasn’t serious about his responsibilities. I’m just grateful I’ve finally seen the light. Let him disown me; I don’t care.
